For those of you who may not know, my mother passed away this last July. I’m still mad at her. Mad at her for leaving me, mad at her for not taking better care of herself, and mad at her for not listening to anybody, even her doctors.

I sat with her after her triple bypass. The cardiologist told her flat out that if she didn’t stop smoking, it would kill her. Heart failure is ultimately what got her. She didn’t stop smoking, despite what anyone told her.

She was also diabetic, and didn’t take care of herself in that regard either. She would sit and eat bowls of frosted flakes and whatever else she wanted, without paying attention to her blood sugar at all. She had ended up in the hospital twice from this, having had seizures and becoming unresponsive.

Still, she didn’t listen to anyone. She didn’t try to take care of herself. She didn’t try at all. I don’t know if she knew she was going to go soon, or what the deal was, because she never talked about anything.

It might be petty and insensitive to be mad, but I can’t help it. I feel like she did it to herself, without any regard how it would impact other people. Without any regard for people who had to watch her do this to herself. Without any regard to what was left behind (which is a whole different mess, dear lord).

So yeah… I’m still mad at my mom. I expect some day I’ll get over it, but I have no idea when that will be.